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Anyone else having trouble taking their friends "problems" seriously?

I mean I'm 23 I'd like to think I'm past the point where I care about little petty things anyway, but after all this mess went down I just can't take my friendsseriously.
It just seems like their priorities are off most of the time and when I get blatantly fed up with their little tiffs, they don't understand. My friend had some issue with me that got blown so out of proportion. I just don't care, I almost died and I'm expected to care about this little minuscule issue when I'm not even sure what it is??? I just can't make myself care and I end up just being really grumpy and sarcastic about it (which is, granted, probably not the best way to go about it) Long story short, now everyone is pissed at me because "I'm sitting on a high horse" or something. It's not a high horse, it's more like a confused horse that doesn't have the mental capacity to deal with these things anymore. I just feel like there are so many more important things that you could be upset about. 
TL;DR does anyone else feel like their friends get upset about little things that you can't relate to anymore? Like, you almost died, you don't have the mental capacity to care about this? That type of thing. I don't even know if this is a direct result of having to deal with stage four cancer.


  • 14 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • abbadackerygirlabbadackerygirl Community Member
    edited June 2015 Vote Up0Vote Down
    Hi there, sorry about everything... Well just tell them you care about them, but right now you don't have the capacity to be leaned on. You're emotionally fragile right now, and still trying to work out your own problems. Then give them a hug and then tell them you hope things work themselves out.
  • ncarlinncarlin Community Member
    I haven't had this problem with many friends but I did start a new job a few months ago and get annoyed pretty easily when they complain about their problems and have stupid attitudes.  It's hard for me to get mad about some work things that they blow a gasket over and it makes them even more pissed that I'm not mad about it.  Nothing at my work will ever compare to what I went through and even still go through from cancer and chemo.  It's at the point now that no matter how bad I need the money I won't be there for more than a year if things don't change.
  • Id say try to talk to your friends about how you feel and the way you might be continuing to react.
    Ive had stage 4 for a long time, we've danced with the Reaper too many times, that when peoples problems arent as big as ours we completely dismiss them.

    I dont have friends. But what i see in the movies is worth fighting for.
    Communication is key*
  • i agree with abbadackerygirl - telling them i am unable to fully invest my thoughts into it
  • KBishKBish Community Member
    It can be hard. I worked two jobs and went to school full time while still doing the later part of my treatment. Its really hard to hear friends complain just about classes or their roommate is annoying. I just have to remind myself they don't know any better. They havent had to endure a hardship yet. It takes patience. A lot of it. Some time I just wanna blow up and say REALLY? Iv learned to eaither talk to them about it or just take a step back.
  • I'm 22 and I feel the same way. After literally looking death in the face I don't get upset about certain things like my friends do. A certain person doesn't like me? Life goes on. I went on a bad date? Eh, not the worst thing that has happened. It's hard for us to relate to some every day issues our friends or family see as devastating because we have been through some of the most devastating things there are. I try to explain to my friends what it's like to have been through what we have but they're never going to get it. I find it difficult to relate sometimes but I try to move past it and help them see things through my eyes because having had cancer at such a young age is unimaginable. KBish is right, they just don't know any better. 
  • I feel you, but if you are seeing the world from the second floor compared to someone from the first...their view will be different. We have an opportunity to "live like we were dying"...and there is something that resonates to the soul in this..give them time my fellow warrior. Stay strong.
  • AQAQ Community Member
    I definitely understand where you're coming from. I honestly felt so awful for feeling that way so it's nice to know that I'm not the only one. One of my friends just had surgery for an ACL reconstruction. That's not an easy thing to deal with by any means. I know because I also went through that a few years ago - before the ugly C word took over my life. But she just went on and on and on about how she was so frustrated she was still on crutches, so frustrated that she couldn't workout yet and so annoyed with everything else. blah blah blah. I just wanted to tell her to STFU. I'm 24 years old and just got diagnosed with a grade 3 brain cancer. I'm not sympathetic for your one year of life knee problems. You'll be fine. I think what you said about "a confused horse that doesn't have the mental capacity to deal with these things anymore." I couldn't have said it any better myself. Hang in there. I hope your friends become more sensitive and empathetic to you. If not, cut the toxic out of your life. You'll be better without it. <3
  • pyt8309pyt8309 Community Member
    I'm new to the website, and this community as I was recently diagnosed in November (I turned 33 that month) with brain cancer, and have been undergoing treatment since. I'm curious about where those friends are almost two years later. If I had those friends, I'd have to "unfriend" them. There are indeed bigger things in life to concern yourself with than petty friend drama. You need all your cells to get and stay better.
  • I find myself feeling this way about everyone in my life to be honest. I can't help that I now have bigger problems than how my outfit looks considering I don't even have a head full of hair anymore. It is so hard and actually impossible for anyone to understand. This is my first time on here and I just want you to know you're not alone. I get extremely sarcastic and sometimes mean actually. I find myself getting like this with my family. I don't have the energy to deal with it honestly. I find myself alone most of the time because I know I'm no fun to be around anymore.
  • ElenaElena Community Member
    Yes, I lost my only friend because of that. Looks like I am not a great friend anymore. But I just don't have the patience to listen to nonsense, that in the scheme of things is meaningless, when it's coming from people who have no clue how lucky they are.
  • CMLRugbyCMLRugby Community Member
    YES! I'm sick of my friends venting to me about break-ups, doing poorly on exams, etc, like it is the end of the world. I don't think they understand that I would kill to have a boyfriend or be back in classes, even if it means a break-up or failing... We just have larger concerns. I just tell myself that we are on different spectrums of 'life's problems' and that they need to vent, just like I do. Usually they realize what they've said/done, and apologize when they're done ranting. Hang in there... talk with them about it. They might not even realize what they're doing or how it bothers you.
  • When I got diagnosed I was still going to classes, and sitting there listening to the small talk around me drove me crazy. It was mostly complaints about petty things, "I'm so tired, I don't have any time, I hate this class," etc. The most frustrating thing for me is wishing that people had more gratitude for the fact that they're healthy and able. Like, I would give anything for the opportunity to do the things people complain about. I still have to listen to my (few) friends vent about problems that seem insignificant, but I try to treat it like a reality tv show or something, stories for entertainment. Everyone thinks their problems are the biggest in the world, and I just try to be patient and not judge them because I used to complain about stupid things too. Life's is hard no matter who you are and there's no point playing the "I have it worse" game. Keep your spirits up in whatever way you can:)
  • I agree, when I was diagnosed, a friend said, I know, I had a bad day too, I got a C in English...... I understand people can't relate, but dying/a C, kinds different. I still feel it now too, 20 years off treatment, but try to keep prospective. Not easy for sure, just add it to the 'things I have to try harder at after cancer" list. Which is a list I am thankful to have.