Cancer angry...

My awesome wife of 21 years was recently diagnosed with stage 4 vaginal cancer, I'm going crazy!!!!!
so many years of her complaining to doctors and no one the wiser, now 10 years later we find out its cancer.
She is 37 years old, mother of 3, a perfect woman and for this to happen to her, not cool at all.
She is in her 3rd week of treatment and she is suffering so much, I feel so useless, I try my best to make her comfortable but nothing really helps, I try to keep her distracted as best as possible but a very hard thing to do with no one showing love, support or interest.
None of her family members have acted in accordance with the norm of things, no one has visit except 1 brother, the mom called because she needed a doctors note but yet have yet to take her daughter to chemo or rad, and to top it all our kids know she is I'll but don't know its cancer
its just her & I against the world, I prey every day she is not taken from me, I don't know what to do anymore, to keep her positive, to keep her going.
Traveling to & from treatment has been a situation by itself, we use mass transit and during rush hour no one has courtesy or manners, my wife could hardly stand and no one gives up a seat so I been using a milk crate for my wife to sit on, this upcoming week things should be better for I did something very stupid but I felt I had to, over the weekend I went to a e.r. room hanged out and in the first opportunity I borrowed a wheel chair, I feel so mess up but my wife needs it to get to nyu.
now I see peoples true colors as they say, I never realized how alone a person could feel.
I completely cut myself off from work, I'm here for her 24hrs and no one even calls her or visits, I just want to call all of them and send them to hell.
I been her punching bag, I just prey she dont end up hating me for um the one here day & night's making sure she eats etc, she screams at me sometimes cause she wants to sleep, I can't blame
 her, sleep means no pain or discomfort but she has to eat.
so I'm so angry with the doctors who miss this, oooooohhh how I wish we could have private conversations with those doctors, oooooohhh how I wish.
I really don't know what the future holds, all I know is I'm not OK and i don't know what else to do.
not fair she has to go through this alone, not fair the only good person in my life is in pain and suffering.
I'm feeling mentally tired & borderline ready to curse people out and start dropping F.u's with rapid fire....



  • 16 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • JLBrownJLBrown Community Member
    I'm feeling your pain to. My husband had IV brain cancer and currently in the county ER because of brain swelling. I tried to get his family more involved and so far one brother (that is usually around) and an aunt came by.

    Doctors need a punch in the face or maybe a yearly psychology class. At first they said it was only an ear infection even though they couldn't see anything but it was actually pressure from the tumor.

    We have four kids and I keep the information basic. We can't all be having meltdowns at the same time.

    We'll get through this, kicking and screaming against our will, and tomorrow will be another day.
  • lennyslennys Community Member
    Jlbrown thank you for your words, I'm deeply saddened with your situation, so different but yet the same due to the mistake or neglect of doctors not finding the cause on time our love ones are suffering.

  • JLBrownJLBrown Community Member
    Just keep strong for your kids! Due to the lack of "family" on his side I really push the idea of sticking together. They'll need each other when they get older and whether or not you like it, what you do now they will use in comparison when they have difficulties.
  • lennyslennys Community Member
    edited June 2016 Vote Up0Vote Down
    Feeling very depressed, not a good night for my wife, she had alot of pain last night, I really don't like to see her cry, we have to meet with her pain management doctor.
     Breaks my heart seeing her this way, the kids hear her cry I console them by telling 1 and a half more weeks to go of treatment to go.
    Truth be told I'm scared.
    I need to keep this woman moving forward, the radiation is really taking a toll, she screams that she hopes it works she don't think she can handle more radiation treatment, I can't let her give up....
    no one is helping, thank god financially currently we are balanced for if we had to depend on someone else we be totally messed up.
    luckily with the chair I "found" the commute is better, but come to see a lot if people don't care for a wheelchair, NYC there's a A-hole around every corner I see.

  • lennyslennys Community Member
    edited July 2016 Vote Up0Vote Down
    once again thank you for your words.
    spikes you say...... OK done.  I'll take a PiC and show you LoL.
    also after talking with the wife we decided to put our old go cam to use and we started to document our commute to and from treatment, giving her something to do.

    she is sad today for she was informed that after this wave if treatments she has been scheduled for 18 more radiation treatments. hopefully today we will get some answers for we see the head if the team today. 

  • lennyslennys Community Member
    edited July 2016 Vote Up0Vote Down
    Hope all works out for you jlbrown, I don't know how things work where you at but that is one thing I can say about NYC a lot of resources a person can use. 
    last night I surprised my wife with a visit from a friend of mine who is a hair stylist, she had her hair done and I after 30 years I had my first haircut.
    my hair has always been long to my mid back.
    so I'm Ricking short hair with the wife!!!!!!!!
    so she was happy last night, just wanted to share.
    now to go deal with the a-holes of NYC once again.
  • ghostlyyghostlyy Community Member
    Lennys, I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your wife. My mother's cancer too went undiagnosed for a very long time before it was found out - and by that time it was too late, as my mother passed away only 2 short months after her diagnosis. 

    Radiation is cruel. Chemo is awful. I hope your wife finds strength in your love and that her family comes to your aid much more in the near future. 

    Glad to hear your wife was happy last night! Cherish those little moments. 

  • ChloeChloe Community Member
    I , too , want to say how sorry I am that your wife is in pain.  She is blessed to have you,however.  You are a good man.
  • Hey lennys! I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. I too live in NYC and got treated there and no one should have to take public transportation while going through treatment. Please check out these links and such, so you can potentially receive free transportation via private car or van.  (where you can apply for a grant regarding travel)  (long list of potentially helpful resources)

    Also, you can probably get a free car service through your health insurance. You should call them to inquire. Or speak to a social worker on the floor she gets treated on and try to find out options for travel assistance and also general resources that would make her feel a lot better, and their may be some for you and the kids. If you need anymore resource links, I have a bunch!

    I hope all goes well.

  • ColinMcQColinMcQ Community Member
    lennys,  you are truly a wonderful person and for what it's worth I feel for you tremendously.  this is my first post here.  my wife has breast cancer that has spread literally everywhere and every day we are either getting worse news, for example we just found out it is in her spine... already knew it is in her brain, liver, lungs, you name it.  we aren't near any family, in fact her family is in Peru. her parents at least are supportive but so far away.  In the last week or so she can't walk anymore without oxygen and I can relate to being angry almost outside my ability to control about people not giving her the space and respect she deserves, besides the fact that I feel totally useless on top of it all.  I have a real tough time controlling my anger at watching her suffer.  I can't imagine having children in this situation.  You are a true superhero despite the feelings of inadequacy we all must feel in our situations.  I wish you and yours the best, and if it is of any worth, you have made me feel less alone, so thanks.
  • lennyslennys Community Member
    Thank you colinmcq for your words. Im very sad to hear your news, im sad cause i know the feelings, the anger etc.
    It has not and is not easy.
    Upto this day no one has stepped up. Now tomorrow is her birthday & i have heard that mom & sis suppose to show up.
    What am i to do?
    Greet them, welcome them.
    Let them have it, the moment they knock on my door.
    Im in a no win situation. Im screwed if i do, im screwed if i dont.
  • lennyslennys Community Member
    edited August 2016 Vote Up0Vote Down
    We been doing it on our own, we have made the best of our commuting, but we at the end of her treatment plan, now to wait to see how the results turned out.
    This has been life changing in so many levels, i thought my lowest point if my life was when we was victim of a fuie 2 years ago where we lost everything, but no, this takes the cake.

  • ny78ny78 Community Member
    edited August 2016 Vote Up0Vote Down
    So sorry Lenny. My aunt has stage 4 cancer from th colon. She too has been alone and now my cousins are making the worst decisions for their mother. They don't see that after 4 surgeries, it's time to let her rest. There is no cure, yet they want her to do chemo trials. She's like 80 pounds and sleeping a lot and barely eating..... So what trials? It's a hot mess. Cancer makes every family a hot mess
  • Hey Lenny, hope all is well. My husband is doing worse but I'm trying to prepare for certain family coming out of the woodwork. Not sure if I should give these people an ear full but I'm sure they can't handle the thought of death. So we're rolling with the punches with this tumor. I have the kids in therapy and setting up as much government help I can before I lose it. Doctor says months but there's some new deficit daily.

    All I can say is cherish the small things and let go of family b.s. I have called in some spicy family members that I'll have to console even though they've been absent though out the whole journey but they're rolling I'm better late then never.

    You can do this!
  • JLBrownJLBrown Community Member
    I couldn't f' imagine NYC! Boston's bad but my husband can still walk decently. I'm scrambling for public assistance (which I always thought I would never need) I have physiology appointments for my 13 & 7 yr olds next week but they're really in the dark about the current prognosis.

    I think it's time for you to add some spikes to the wheels!

    I'm scared too. I have no idea how to console him, I guess myself either.