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duanshizhao

About

Username
duanshizhao
Joined
Visits
4
Last Active
Roles
Community Member
Points
1
Badges
1
Treatment Type
chemotherapy and clinical trials
Treatment Stage
Its Complicated
Parental Status
I am not a parent
I am a
PatientSurvivor
Caregiver Type
Not a caregiver
Cancer Type
Sarcoma
Cancer Stage
Metastatic
  • I'm really lost.

    Just got a phone call from my oncologist about my PET/CT results and he said he had no good news, again.

    I was first diagnosed on 1/4/2015, had an emergency surgery the day after to relieve the pressure posed on my spinal cord by the tumor, followed by 7 months of chemo (VDC-IE) and I was told I was cancer free by August 2015, so I attended a PhD program focused on pre-clinical breast cancer research. one year later, the cancer came back, and never be able to fully delve into my work since. I had temozolomide+irinotecan, a phase I drug called TK216, then trabectidin+irinotecan, all failed to control the growth of tumor at some point. Now, I'm going to have cyclophosphamide+topotecan and I don't think it'll work for too long, if it ever works.

    I was not sad at all when I heard the 'bad news', I hung up the phone and continued working on my thesis. I don't know how should I react to this, deep down inside I always hoped miracles would happen but reality is that I'm sliding into the abyss slowly and I don't know what I could do differently. I'm really lost.

    It really sucks to be an international student in grad school with cancer. my parents naively believe that I'll be fine because I'm in a great country with advanced cancer treatments, that might be true, but not for Ewing's sarcoma. without family's support, everything can be really hard. but what can I do? no matter how depressed I am, my basic animal instinct drives me to do the right thing so that I can possibly live longer. and I do feel like an animal sometimes.