dont know where else to go...

Six years ago my only girlfriend broke up with me after my first cancer recovery. at one point she said its not fair of me to date anyone because im sick. ive been on chemo consistently for about six years. i had another girlfriend and then she left me after 14 months and an engagement because i wanted to hold off until i was a little bit better, so basically because of the cancer...

i really feel like i should just give up at this point...ive gotten to the point of saying no one wants to be with a fat guy who has cancer...


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  • Q4lifeQ4life Community Member
    I would screen prospective partners. I haven’t started dating but fear your experiences. Relationships are hard enough when you add the equation of illness on top of it. In sickness more than health.

    I’m stage 3 breast cancer survivor currently on immunotherapy. After two surgeries (mastectomy with no reconstruction & bilateral oophorectomy) with surgeon signatures or scars. I have accepted that who I am or the previous identity is now replaced with my new reality.

    I hate the feeling of having to feel sorry for myself. Anger at why I’m sick & not others who are unhealthy. Feeling like something is wrong with me. That I am deformed or damaged & have to be grateful for whatever attention a so called “healthy person” offers me. Take it personally when someone leaves me due to illness or because their issue cloud their affections for me.

    I am becoming grateful because cancer forces everyone to operate from a place of authenticity. In those instances people show you the content of their mind. The way you choose to respond or react demonstrates yours.

    In those moments I exercise self care & self compassion. I give myself the love I feel I am lacking. I also know I have to date others that have experienced life altering events or understood my experience.

    Try to recreate your identity. Exercise helps me to shift my mood. I am still recovering but I do 10 minute reps of dancing for an hour or two. I research & read. It helps to know I’m not alone. I would try to find ways to support yourself.

    Shift your perception from Will they like me to do I even like them? What do I want? What relationship will Be suit me? What red flags indicate my potential partner’s immaturity or emotional unavailability? Can we work through it or are they easily triggered by my experience & I have to cut my losses?

    There is a saying, Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.

    I hope this helps.
  • ToniToni Community Member
    Feel ya. Mine too is leaving me saying it’s not the cancer. Funny she changed as soon as I lost my hair.