Sex & Intimacy
Sexual Health
Regardless of your relationship status, the physical and emotional changes that come with cancer are likely to impact your sex life. You might experience pain or discomfort that makes you less interested in sex. You may be navigating a new relationship to your body and struggling with body image after surgery. It can be awkward to acknowledge potentially unsexy challenges like vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction, early onset menopause, or ostomy bags with new or long-term sexual partners.
Your healthcare provider should be giving you specific information about your sexual health and what you can do to safely and comfortably maintain an active sex life. Sex after cancer might look different, but it can still be satisfying (lube, toys, dilators…oh my!). Your sexual health and function is an important part of your well-being as an AYA, and you deserve to get answers to even your most awkward, intimate questions.
Questions for your provider...
Can I be sexually active during treatment?
What forms of birth control do you advise?
Are there any specialists that can help me regain function and feel more comfortable?
Are there exercises or products that can help lessen pain during sex?
What sexual side effects can I expect from my treatment?
Dating with Cancer/Single Survivors
Dating is scary enough…but dating with cancer?? Navigating a dating app or starting a new relationship is daunting for anyone, but as a survivor, it can feel impossible. It’s easy to worry that potential dates might be scared off when they hear the word “cancer”…or even worse, that they might be too into it.
When or whether to disclose your cancer experience is a personal decision. Some people say it upfront before even meeting up in person, others wait until they’ve gotten to know someone after a few dates. You should share your cancer history whenever and however you feel comfortable. Before you tell someone about your cancer history, consider what kinds of reactions would be a red flag for you. Think about how you’d want to address any physical limitations you have after treatment. Would you feel comfortable talking to them about fertility? How about any long-term side effects or your risk of recurrence?
You might not be ready to date, and that’s ok! You may not be looking for a relationship at all. Focusing on your platonic relationships and drawing on a network of friends and family for support and companionship is important for those going through cancer without a significant other. If you’re looking for some new friends that really “get it”…may we suggest you swing by a Stupid Cancer Meetup?
Questions to ask yourself...
Am I ready to commit to a relationship?
Am I comfortable opening up to someone new?
How much of my cancer experience am I comfortable sharing?
What might happen if I share my experience with a partner?
What do I need from the relationship to feel comfortable sharing?
Couples Facing Cancer Together
Normal relationship stressors like division of household chores, sex, kids, and work/life balance can become much more intense when one partner is sick. As your romantic partner becomes your caregiver, your relationship faces new challenges. More responsibility is piled on one person, while the other is feeling their worst. It can be hard to let your partner see you in such a vulnerable situation or accept their assistance with the sometimes messy physical realities of cancer treatment. It is important to remember everyone copes with stress differently, and the caregiver journey is its own difficult cancer experience.
Openly communicating feelings, needs, and treatment decisions is critical for maintaining a healthy relationship. For some couples, the cancer experience may strengthen the relationship, but that is not always the case. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner for more space or time alone if you need it. It can be hard to ask for help, but be open about your needs and what your partner can do to help you. A counselor, sex therapist, or support group may be useful to help you navigate problems around communication and intimacy.
Questions to discuss with your partner...
What decisions will we make together, and what decisions will I make alone?
Will we attend appointments and treatments together?
How should we voice our feelings and concerns?
How will we divide tasks and responsibilities?
How will we keep friends and family updated through the experience?
How will we deal with stress and when should we seek support?
More on Sex & Relationships...
Real Talk: Sexual Health for AYAs
Sex & Cancer
Single and Socially Isolated
Social Support
A cancer diagnosis is frightening and it can often lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Friends and family are important in your cancer experience, but being around peers that “get it” can also make a big difference. Hopefully, you already have a strong support system of friends and family, but connecting with another AYA that shares your background, cancer type, or treatment can be hugely empowering. This is what Stupid Cancer is all about. We’re here to help you find and build a community with other adolescents and young adults impacted by cancer, so you can share the advice, fears, challenges, and triumphs of your journey and surround yourself with people who understand and support you.
Learn about the research
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