Stupid Cancer had the chance to chat with David, 28, & Mónica, 57, a son and mother duo who navigated David’s Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML) diagnosis together. They spoke with us about how cancer changed their lives, relationships, and mother-son bond. David is an active member of the Advisory Committee for CancerCon, and Mónica is an active member of the Stupid Cancer Junior Board.
David
It was 2017 when I was diagnosed. I had acute myeloid leukemia and underwent a bone marrow transplant. I have been cancer free for almost 11 years, and I live in the Bay Area in California, specifically Palo Alto.
I was 47 years old when David was diagnosed with AML.
Stupid Cancer
Mónica, how would you describe yourself and who you were before David’s diagnosis? How would you describe yourself after the diagnosis?
Mónica
I was very focused on my job, being a mom, going out with my friends, looking for art classes, traveling, hiking, and just being myself. I used to love to do that. I still do. After David came out of treatment, I still do a lot of things like that, but I’m more aware of life. I live more in the present, and I’m more mindful about things. Nowadays, I use the phrase, “it is what it is.” I use it all the time.
David
I don’t know how to describe myself before cancer. For one, I was flunking out of high school. I didn’t have the best grades and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I played a lot of video games. I was laid back. Maybe too laid back. When I went through cancer I thought, “Wow. I literally spent the last 17 years of my life not doing anything; not changing the society that we live in or making a change or leaving my mark.” When I was 17, there wasn’t a lot out there for AYAs, so I swore that if I ever got out of this situation, I would advocate for AYAs and hopefully make the cancer experience not as isolating. So now, after cancer, if I had to describe myself, I would say I’m empathetic, I’m really into activism, and I’m really into just being sincere.
Stupid Cancer
David, could you tell me what it was like to have your mom with you throughout your experiences with cancer?
David
It was great to have my mom with me. It made the experience not so isolating, knowing that I wasn’t alone. She was always very supportive. At night in the hospital when I couldn’t sleep, she would stay up with me. I can’t imagine going through cancer without that.
Stupid Cancer
That’s really sweet. And Mónica, what was it like for you to be with David throughout his experiences with cancer?
Scary. It was scary for me as a mother. I just wanted to be there at the hospital with him. He spent a lot of time there.
David
I think it was like five and a half months.
Mónica
We were together as a family all the time, taking turns with my husband and Emma [David’s twin sister] was there. Some friends helped too, but mostly it was David Sr. and me. We just wanted to be there, trying to walk this journey with David, to support him as much as he could.
Stupid Cancer
These next questions are for both of you. How did cancer affect your relationship?
David
As the patient, you’re the person that drives the emotional roller coaster, right? So if you feel bad, your loved ones are going to feel bad too. Sometimes I would minimize my pain or what I was feeling just so they wouldn’t be worried. No one’s giving a manual about what to do when you get a diagnosis. So at the time, I thought this was the right thing to do. Looking back at it retrospectively, I think maybe it would have been better if I said that I was scared or things like that.
As caregivers, I think they [my parents] were overprotective, and understandably so because I went through a cancer diagnosis. I could have passed away. Looking back, I understand their perspective, and I think that overall, the experience made us closer than before.
Mónica
When David was diagnosed, it was like we were in a war. We were overwhelmed by the diagnosis because we had this experience before with our child who passed away. David’s diagnosis was like, again? No! This is a war. We are going to fight it and we’re going to win. If David wanted something in the hospital, like Peruvian food, then we’re going to go home to make it and come back. Or he wanted something special, like a special kind of soda, whatever the chemo craving was.
Hot Cheetos. Dr. Pepper.
Mónica
When treatment was over, we [his Dad and I] started being overprotective. Like he would sneeze and we would say, “You have to go to the Doctor right now.”
David
At the time, I wasn’t looking at what my parents had gone through. Not only did they already lose one child to this, they almost lost the second one. So I think I needed to look at their perspective. And I wish I did, but the older I grew, the more I learned. You live and you learn and then you look back and reflect on the situation. And with self-reflection, you can acknowledge the past.
Stupid Cancer
So, David, what is something weird and something awesome about your mom?
David
One time we went to the Red Light District together in Amsterdam, and it was, like, really weird. That’s probably the weirdest thing. It’s not something you should do with your mom. My grandma was there too. But I wouldn’t describe my mom as weird. She’s very, very artistic. She paints every day, and her portraits are amazing. And she makes the best ceviche, Peruvian ceviche.
Stupid Cancer
How do you both like to spend time together?
David
We’re both very big foodies. So we usually like to try new restaurants. Recently, we went to a ramen spot called Ramanagi. If you’re in the Bay Area, don’t go to the Valley Fair one, it’s like a two hour wait, but, the one in University, it’s really good. Also, when we were in New York, we went to Little Italy and things like that. Also, we always go to AYA events together. So that’s always a good time too.
Mónica
Yeah, yeah. We went twice to CancerCon together in 2019 and in 2024.
Stupid Cancer
That’s a great kind of segue into our next question: What was your time like at CancerCon together?
It was cool. My mom and I have our own perspectives of the cancer experience, seeing cancer through a different lens [patient and caregiver]. I went to my different breakout sessions and activities and then she did the different sessions they have for caregivers too. We also did events like karaoke and the dance party. It was a lot of fun.
Mónica
In 2024, I went in more open to talking to different people, different caregivers, and sharing my experience with them. There were a couple of people whose kids were still in treatment and they were When you are caregiver to caregiver, you can share more openly about the feelings and emotions of seeing your kid going through this.
David
The cancer experience is so isolating when you go through it. When I was in the hospital, my best friend was a four year old because there weren’t any other teens. I was like, “Wow. Why can’t I meet someone like me? Why can’t there be more resources geared towards my age?” I think that’s what made me want to advocate and get involved with the AYA community.
Mónica
As a caregiver, you want to be there every second of their treatment, but sometimes you have to stop and take care of yourself too. You do need to gain more energy. So don’t feel guilty if you go for coffee, for a walk, or talk with a friend who can listen and hold your hand. Take care of yourself too.