By: Angela Campos, 37, Hodgkin Lymphoma

Getting chemo on your birthday sucks.

I mean, cancer in general sucks, but having a birthday during that time and then it being a treatment day on top of it is just icing on the cake. No pun intended. First off, those of us who have gone through chemo know you have to say your name and birthdate at least 20 times. From when you check in, see the nurses, each time you are given a medicine, and the next chemo cocktail, and this goes on for the number of hours you are there.

So, your birthday is extra awkward to say the least.

“Oh, it’s your birthday! Happy Birthday! How old are you? Do you have any special plans after this?” My reply: “Thanks, I’m here. I feel nauseous, have no hair, I’m cold, 35 years old, and I just plan to lie in my bed when I get home.” I say with a laugh. Trying to be as upbeat as possible, even though you’ve been fighting tears all day. You don’t want anyone to feel sad or, worse, give you pity.

It’s surreal, you’re a year older, but never expected this to be what it would be. You don’t care about having a special dinner, a cake, going to a concert, anything like that. You just want to be here for many more days, months, years-birthdays. You receive phone calls, texts, and social media messages from family, friends, and acquaintances wishing you a very happy birthday. You thank them for their thoughtfulness, but you just want to skip over this day.

You don’t feel good during treatment; you’re nauseous and tired. You sleep most of the time you are there, having a hard time keeping your eyes open. You wake up when treatment is over to a cupcake and a note from the nurses. Wishing you a happy birthday. Your nurse comes to discharge you and says, “We got you a little something from the cafeteria. Try doing something special for yourself when you get home.” This small gesture moves you to tears, something they didn’t have to do, and although it wasn’t how you ever expected to have a birthday, it is unforgettable because of the unexpected kindness you received. Although you found it hard to hold back the tears, you’re grateful, grateful that you are here for this birthday and want to be here for as many as you can be, because even the most mundane, saddest, or happiest of birthdays, any birthday is a sign of life, that you are still here fighting.